The problem with hope

The Problem With Hope

I have a love hate relationship with hope. 

Sometimes I just hate it. I hate what it does to me. It creates a stirring in my heart and a lightness in my step. It causes me to believe in what is barely possible. It makes my heart soar when I should stay grounded in the facts. And this makes me furious. 

Furious because if my hope is dashed, then I have so much further to fall. Hope has the ability to break my heart. I hate giving power to anything that could cause so much pain. Yet I do it again and again. 

I've had seasons where I have lived off the drug of new found hope. It happens in a instance, a look or a moment with the right kind of guy and I'm there. Living in hope that this could be it. This could be my season to love and be loved. (I'm not talking about the thing other girls do where they plan the wedding and wonder what their babies will look like the moment they meet. That's a blog post for another day) I'm just talking about the quickened heart beat and the thought of "Hello, this one's not a complete mutant".* 

I am also talking about the kind of hope I have for my future. The hope to have the family and the house and the lifestyle I dream of. The hope I am called into a profession that will change the world and fulfill my every desire. 

And so I fly high. Hope becomes my drug of choice. The problem with highs is obvious. What comes up must come down right? The crash and pain from hopes dashed is a pain like no other. 

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life." Prov 13:12

Hope deferred has made me sick before. Physically sick. Talk to anyone who's been through a hard break up and they may say the same thing. I became so run down and lost any desire to move or  participate in the world. I had a medical illness and was checked for all sorts of diseases with blood tests and scans. It was serious business. 

I am happy to say that I have moved past this and I'm healthy with a busy social life and a zest and drive for life. But I wonder looking back why Paul would say...

"And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." 1 Cor 13:13

Why hope? When hope can tear the soul and break the heart? Why would it hold value right along side faith and love? Isn't faith enough? The bible has a lot to say about hope. 

"But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 41:30

"We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield. Psalm 33:20

Just like faith, hope has to have a purpose and direction. We are not supposed to hope in our future or our loved ones. We are not supposed to put our hope in our career or our marriage. We are supposed to put our hope in the LORD. 

When the scripture uses the word LORD it is talking about someone who is in charge. Someone who is sovereign over us. Someone we chose to put in control. 

So if I put my hope in a sovereign LORD I am saying "I trust YOU with my future my hope is YOU having it all worked out in YOU having the best possible path for me. My hope and trust is in YOUR timing." 

What does God do in return? He honours us with strength, with flight, with help and protection. When we put our hope in God we won't get weary. Our days aren't good or bad based on our situation or what we can see in the real world. What goes up doesn't necessarily have to go down when the creator is holding it in his hands. 

Waiting in hope is frustrating. It's like a really long flight on a squashy plane. You know you are going somewhere, you know that it's gonna be awesome. The pilot has promised you won't miss out because you are arriving later then other people. But the scenery has been the same for the last 5 hours (or 32 years), the air feels stale and there is a baby crying**. It's a feeling of restlessness and the need to stretch your legs. 

Hope is  believing that your are destined to arrive at some point. Faith is knowing the plane will stay in the air even though you don't understand the law of aerodynamics. And love... The kind of love I'm hoping for... That's worth the wait.... After all, love is the greatest!

Share with me your thoughts on this, is anyone brave enough to admit they've been through something similar? 

xxx

Shannon

* I do not wish to bring offence to the mutant community. I for one am a big advocate for the The X Men and everything it stands for. I would be very happy to meet and fall in love with Cyclops or Wolverine. I am of course talking about Toad and other brotherhood of evil mutants that sometimes rear their heads at Young Christian Single events for the over 30's (you know what i'm talking about) 

** It's probably one of your friends kids that you are babysitting because you don't have a date on Saturday night