The Single Factor

The Single Factor

"A couple of nights ago I tried to write a blog post on the great things about being single. I could only come up with one point. I felt so depressed that I watched an entire season of Friends," I confided to my friend Bekah over a cup of peppermint tea. 

"What was the one thing?" My friend asked. 

"I get to watch whatever I want on TV" I replied. 

Bekah is my go-to girl for all things deep and any single moments. She was a "Forever Single" girl that made it to the other side. She married the man of her dreams at 29 and is living the wedded bliss life in constant honeymoon status for the last 4 years. She dated for a year and was engaged for a year so really she hasn't been single for 6 years. But still she is my girl. She doesn't outwardly roll her eyes when I lament about things for the millionth time. She's a married woman who understands the singlehood journey. 

"Here's the thing Bek, I don't want to write about just being single because I'm more then that. It's just a single factor in my life. You understand that right?"  

"Write about that then," she said. 

"I kinda thought I would write about being single when I'm not. Like a memoir." I pause. "But to be honest I wouldn't read that as a single person."

Bek didn't say much. She has the special gift of knowing when to not say anything.  I have suddenly begun to feel very uncomfortable. I know what I have to do now. 

***************************************************************

So here it is. It's time to write about something I feel very vulnerable about. THE SINGLE FACTOR. 

I'm trying to write something that is not cynical or pitiful. If you are getting those vibes from me or for me then this article is not for you*. Move on over and read my post about icing cake. I'm attempting to be honest here however, I do make self deprecating jokes, this is just me (and my coping mechanisms.)  

But here is the thing. There are just moments where the single factor becomes extremely frustrating. Here's a list of a few moments/thoughts I've had recently: 

1. The IKEA factor. Sometimes when I shop at IKEA, I decide on the spur of the moment to buy a large furniture item. This involves me desperately looking for staff and then giving up and trying to nudge the large item on to a moving trolley without dropping it on my toes. The said item is awkwardly wheeled over to the cash register where, once payed for, I navigate it on to the escalator (where I hope that someone will hold the doors open for me). Once outside I have to beg a nice looking family to look after the item while I go find my car. I then have to attempt to reverse park, a skill i have not yet mastered. I then have to find someone to help me load the furniture in to the car. Once home, I have to get someone to help me unload the item that I now intensely hate. Putting it together is not an issue, I pride myself on being the flat pack queen but sometimes you need two people to put it together ** 
2. The Gift Factor. If I attend a couple's party/ engagement/ wedding I have to buy a whole gift. If I invite a couple to my party why do they only buy one between them? And don't even get me started on the subject if they are not living together! It's basic economics guys! 
3. The Solo Man Factor. It's sometimes really hard to "put yourself out there" because it means showing up alone to things week after week. It's hard to walk into a room and not have an anchor person that you can bounce back to if you feel insecure or can't find anyone to talk to. I'm an extroverted introvert so sometimes I am really confident and can talk to anybody but other times I completely fail at the whole having a conversation thing and this can make my outings very challenging. The drive home can be equally painful, it's just nice to have a person to debrief with. 

It's not big things like loneliness or feelings of inadequacies or wanting someone to love that get to me like you may think. I don't feel embarrassed by my current status or feel any shame or grief.  These things are taken care for by my relationship with a very real and close God who fulfils the needs of my heart.

“Do not be afraid; you will not be put to shame.    Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated.You will forget the shame of your youth    and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood. For your Maker is your husband—    the Lord Almighty is his name—" Isaiah 54

I truly feel that God is my provider and my protector and my needs are met emotionally. Its the practical things that get annoying. I have a million friends who are married and/or have kids and they can also say the same things about their lives, it's the little things that drive them crazy too. Especially when "the little thing" has drawn on the brand new couch. I know that this feeling of dissatisfaction is not something singles bare alone, rather we carry a different strain of the same disease. an inability to not be content in the moment. 

There are a million amazing things about being a singleton too (yes, i did think of some more). 

1. The Bed Factor. Your bed belongs completely to you. You can sleep in it whenever and however you like. Nobody except your alarm clock can make you leave it and an alarm clock is far more flexible with snooze mode then a two year old or a snoring partner. 
2. The Time Factor. You don't have to answer to anyone. You tell no one when you are leaving, where you are going or when you will be home. You don't even have to come home if you don't want to. Your time belongs entirely to yourself (except maybe your boss)
3. The Other Ikea Factor. You get to chose the furniture you want from IKEA. This is why I have the girliest bed in the world. 

Here's the crux of what I am saying. I am not worse off than anyone in a relationship. I am not better either. We are actually on an even playing field with different challenges. It's not a race. And if it was, you are not further ahead than me because you have a partner or children. We are all heading to the same direction at the same time.My journey is different to yours. But it's not unfulfilled. I am just still learning how to be content in this season, no matter how long it will last. Paul writes a sentence in the bible that inspires me to live this moment right now in joy and contentment. 

Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me  Philippians 4:11-13

With the one who strengthens me also promising to protect and guide me, how can I possibly not be content? I just need to remind myself sometimes.

Why don't you tell me about something small that makes you love the season you are in now? Let's embrace the positives yo!

Love 

Shannon
xxx



* Please do not post a "Someday you will find someone" comment. That is the exact opposite of the intention of this post. Comments like "You go girl" and "Giiiirl a man would be lucky to have yoooou" are better. Comments like 'Damn Shan, you are so witty and articulate and I'm so glad life is good" are best. 

** Gents, I think I have just discovered a perfect way to meet the love of your life. Go and stand in the heavy flat pack furniture section of Ikea. Ask ladies who seem puzzled if they would like help. Offer to wait with their furniture while they get the car. Offer to have a flat pack building party over a glass of wine and chinese food. If you don't come across as a weirdo, pervy, thief then you are in with a shot! P.S You're welcome. 
Let me know if you want me to hit you up next time I'm at IKEA ;)