Stop the Rain: 6 steps to battling the storms of life

It was a cold and wet Sunday afternoon as I drove my friend's little girl home from church. Tahlia, 4 years old, was chatting away as usual and I was half listening to her and concentrating on the difficult driving conditions. 

As the rain grew heavier and heavier, I came to a stretch in the road where you could usually see the ocean over the dunes. Today you couldn't even see the scrubs along the roadside. Unprotected from the full force of the ocean, the car started to shake and sway in the wind. I was trying to slow down carefully, aware that now, not only could I not see the bonnet of my car but I also couldn't see the cars around me. A thick sheet of water was falling on my car and I was terrified. 

I reached my hand behind me to hold the now quiet Tahlia's hand.

"Thalia," I yelled above the deafening pelt of rain, "We are going to pray."

Thalia gripped onto my hand and I called out in a loud voice. 

"God, please stop the rain!" 

The very second the last word left my mouth, the rain stopped. 

It didn't die down and come to a stop, it just stopped. It was as if a tap was turned off. As if a kink had been made in the hose of a sprinkler. 

And suddenly there was silence. No more pelting of rain, no howling wind, just perfect silence. 

"God stopped the rain! God stopped the rain!" shouted Thalia. I couldn't talk. I drove in silent awe at the crazy thing that had just occurred. 

The rest of the 15 minute drive home not a single drop of water landed on my windshield. The grey sky held every bit of rain in its dark, ominous clouds and I didn't see a single tree bending in the breeze. 

We pulled up outside the house and I got out and helped Thalia out of her seat. We walked inside and just as we walked under the cover of the garage, the sky's opened up once more. 

"God, stop the rain! God stop the rain!" Thalia cried out at the window for the rest of the day. She was sure He would do it again. He didn't, at least not that day. For weeks after, with the slightest indicators of condensation, Thalia would cry out to ask God to stop the rain. She had witnessed a miracle and she wasn't going to forget it.

I was reminded of this moment in my life that happened about 10 years ago last Sunday as I was singing a song at church. 

"Though the storms may rage

They still know Your Name"

Storms

Storms are a part of life. Some people love storms. They will get excited when they hear thunder and settle down for a cozy night in. Others hate storms. They cringe at the flash of lightning and groan about their washing on the line. I don't really care one way or another about the weather except when I am inconvenienced. I don't want to get my hair wet if I go out, I don't want to wait under shelter, I don't want to have to remember an umbrella and I really don't want to have an accident on the roads. 

Every once in awhile there is a massive storm that comes in and tears the place apart. The great storm of 2010 in Perth is one of those occasions. If you lived in Perth then, you can tell me exactly where you were when it hit, what damage it caused to your property and the inconvenience it caused to you and your family. That storm sucked! I had $18,000 worth of damage to my almost brand new $20,000 car (how bummed was I to not get it written off so i could get a new one?).

We often refer to hard periods of time in our lives as storms. Some storms are short and quick and more of an inconvenience. Some are bigger and can be stressful at the time but all is well in the end. Others, like the great storm of 2010 are massive, cause unprecedented damage and are permanently remembered as a major moment in your life.

So what do we do when we are caught in a storm?

1. We can carry on until we get through it. 

Some storms can be ridden out. Some, we just need to buckle down, believe that it won't last forever and move on. I could have just continued to drive home, but my gut and experience told me that this wasn't a normal storm. 

2. We remember that we don't cause storms. 

It's not our fault that their is crazy weather going on. You don't have mutant superpowers. So stop looking for meaning in a storm. It's not time to play the blame game. When illness hits or we find life to be stressful we often think "why". Why is this happening? What did I do to deserve this? Guys it's weather. It happens to all of us in some shape or form. 

3. Pull over and wait it out, seek shelter. 

Sometimes you have to pull over to the side of the road and wait. Last year my job was killing me. I wasn't sleeping at night, I was constantly stressing and I began to feel anxious about everything I was responsible for in the world. So I pulled over and decided to wait it out. This meant that I stopped my side business of baking, I stopped going to things that weren't necessary and I focussed on waiting it out. (Of course I started looking for new work too, if the boat is sinking, it's time to get on a new one) 

4. Cry out for help. 

Maybe this should be first point. Here's the deal, the bible is so full of scriptures about God hushing the storms. 

“Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and he brought them out of their distress. He stilled the storm to a whisper; the waves of the sea were hushed. They were glad when it grew calm, and he guided them to their desired haven.”Psalm‬ ‭107:28-30‬ ‭

 Our desired haven? Does that mean he cares about where we want to go? Does that mean he cares about giving us peace on our journey?  I think we think he doesn't care about us enough to stop it. We know he loves us, but it's easy to detach and think about it as a far away, broad stroke of the brush kind of love. The love that covers a multitude of sins can't be the same love that cares about the details can it? How can my cry for help be considered the same as someone who has "real" issues? I keep comparing my storm with someone else's storm and I feel like mine is dumb and little and not worth praying about. 

5. Trust that HE commands the waves and wind and have peace. 

In Matthew, Mark and Luke there is a story of Jesus on a boat in the middle of the storm. This dude is so chill that he's asleep! He has to be woken up to be asked to stop the storm. With a simple word the waves and wind settled. In the midst of it all we should remember that unless God is concerned, we shouldn't be. He's got it. We spend so much time worrying about the outcome that we waste our lives worrying about things that God is in command of. 

“The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him,”‭‭Nahum‬ ‭1:7‬ ‭NIV‬‬

A couple of months ago at church I was very distressed. Life was hard, work was very hard. 

"God, I just don't think you care about this," I cried out to God. "You don't care where I work or what the conditions are like. You don't care who I will marry or if I will have a family. As long as I serve you, I don't think you care. Im wanting a job that I wake up for in the morning happy to get out of bed for. I'm wanting to meet someone who lights a spark in me but I think you are pushing me to settle for mediocrity, just get what I get. You don't care about the details. You just don't care." This wasn't the first time I had said this silently to myself, possibly not the first time I had said it to God either. 

In the loudness of the music playing through the speakers, I heard a voice inside. Through the noise of the storm that raged within, a voice cried out. 

"I care the most, I care the most!" My God was yelling through the midst of the storm. "I care the most"

“Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.”

‭‭Psalm‬ ‭55:22‬ ‭NIV‬‬

“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”

‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭5:7‬ ‭NIV‬‬

6. Have faith in the restorer to fix what has been damaged

I felt prompted to write a list on my phone of what i needed out of a new job. The list was simple: 

• More flexibility in my conditions 
• Work that worked around my lifestyle (remember that I had given up a lot of life for my previous job) 
• Bosses that cared
• No uniform 
• Same pay and perks from my previous job

Every single thing on my list was met. God demonstrated that He cared. That He cared about the details. That He cared the most. 

“You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.”

‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭26:3‬ ‭NIV‬‬

SO I guess what I'm trying to say is this: 

Storms they are coming whether we want them to or not. Batten down the hatches and hold on. But when it get's tough, remember that you know the one who commands the waves and wind. He cares about you and what you are going through. He cares the most. 

An incomplete guide to being a kickass single

I know, I know, everyone has been asking and quite frankly, I'm sick of my email inbox being full of the same inane question... "How do you do it?". 
So in the interest of keeping my fans happy, I've written down a few little things that I've learnt to be the most kickass single going around: 

1. Be content in your own company.

Being single is about being a party of one..  emphasis on the word party. You are enough of a party on your own. You don't need anyone to fulfill you. Alone, however doesn't have to be lonely. Alone can mean peace, quiet and a sureness of company. It's really important to enjoy your own company. You, after all, are going to be around for the rest of your life, you might as well like yourself.

2. Travel alone.

I traveled overseas for the first time this year. I made an impulsive decision to book a flight. I didn't have to check that it matched anyone else's schedule. I booked and went. I saw everything I wanted to see, I did everything I wanted to do. 

I spent a lot of time at airports thinking about where I was in life and who I wanted to be. It was a peaceful way to travel and be very present in the moment. 

It also tested my courage and resolve. You never know how brave you are until you have to face finding food when you can't understand the menu or catching an uber when you realise they are illegal in that country or eating a meal called "rats tail noodles" in a market, as actual rats ran past you stealing food off idol shrines. 

3. Test your limits, make opportunities happen.

I've decided that I have a new food philosophy: I will try anything once as long as it is ethically and hygienically okay in my mind. This saw me sitting on a stool outside a durian stand eating something that tasted like rotten mangos, raw onion soup covered in melted plastic cheese. It wasn't the greatest taste experience but I didn't die, in fact I felt empowered! I tried something new and I was brave and it resulted in laughs and something crossed off the list.

I like to think of every experience in life being a giant to-do list. When I try something new I can cross it off and never do it again or highlight it and add it to my "to do again and again" list. When I think about all the different experiences in the world that I have yet to do, all the new food that could become my favourite, well it's just damn exciting! stop letting fear of the unknown get in the way of life. 

4. Celebrate yourself. 

I have a dear friend who's husband had a stroke after 20 years of marriage. His stroke caused major parts of his personality, including his ability to consider others or have empathy. After 2 years of recovery, my friend has realised that he will probably never think to celebrate her birthday or buy her a gift again. A sad thing to lose. but it doesn't mean she is of any less value because someone else won't think to make it special. 

I spoke to her about what I have done when I felt that there was no special loved one to buy me a gift. I bought one for myself. For my 21st, I bought myself a nose piercing. This year I took myself to KL. I sometimes throw my own parties and demand that my friends celebrate me. Why? Because I'm worth celebrating and sometimes it's my job to remind people of this! I refuse to place my worth in what people buy for me. Having said that, when friends have bought me things or surprise celebrated me it has literally blown my mind. I am a gifts person after all! 

5. Flirt. 

Eek. This is something I'm not great at. In fact I'm quite terrible at it. I was raised in the "I kissed dating goodbye" by Joshua Harris era of church youth groups. As a result I've alway found it hard to be normal with guys and even more difficult to actually show my genuine interest in a special guy. But you know what, flirting with unattached people is not only not wrong, it's totally right. This is the one time in your life where you can bat your eyelashes and swish your hair because one day you won't (or shouldn't) be able to anymore. Have fun being single. Work those eyelashes baby. 

6. Turn up. 

You know what I hate? Attending events alone. I get ready, I arrive alone, I search for someone, anyone I know and I try to mingle in to the crowd. It's hard. I don't speak to new people easily and I'm on tenterhooks until my anchor person arrives. An anchor person is someone that I can talk with and know that the conversation will be good. From that safe place I can bounce around the party, when things get awkward or I run out of things to say, I can go back to my anchor. What couples don't realise is that their anchor person travels with them to the party. They arrive together and leave together. It's a little harder for us singles. 

But since when did difficult situations stop us from living? I've mentioned it before but I will say it again. Turning up sometimes means putting our own agenda on the line to celebrate or honour someone else. 

As a single person I rarely have to think about anybody else but myself. I'm often lead by my emotions rather than my obligations. If I don't want to do something, I don't. But this shouldn't lead the way I interact with those I love. Being a kickass single shouldn't mean being a selfish single... Not all the time anyway. 

7. Have a secret single behaviour. 

An old colleague of mine used to talk about Secret Single Behaviours she would do at home when her partner was on FIFO. I can't remember exactly what they were but I think they involved pyjamas and movie marathons. 

SSB is the things you do in secret. Things that would be considered terribly wasteful, disgusting or plain weird. Being single, living alone or having plenty of alone time is a blessing. Doing anything you want whilst wearing underwear, fluffy socks and a shower cap on your head (coconut oil and avocado hair mask) is the icing on the cake. So eat out of the containers, overdose on episodes of Escape to the Country, crank the 90's music and put on a concert for your dirty dishes. 

I've not nailed most of these but I am trying. and that's what it's about right?
I think at the end of the day, being a kickass single is about being a brave and content person right now. After all, if you can't be brave and content now, will you ever really be? 

But before you go, be truly brave, tell me your Secret Single Behaviour! 

Excuse me, your pain is showing.

Excuse me, your pain is showing. 

If the leg of a table leg causes you pain by hitting your toe it can be pretty irritating. If you continue to be injured by it you start to remember and associate pain with that table. After a while you may move the table or walk a different way around it. You don't get mad at the table. You don't start blaming the table for all subsequent injuries, you don't lose sleep over the table still being in your house and you don't remember the table with pain filled memories in the days and years to come. Why? Because the table had no intention of hurting you. It's an object. It didn't set out to hurt you and you certainly can't blame the table for your injuries if you are to one that kicked it. 

The thing is that physical pain from an object is usually far more forgettable than pain from a person. We can think and rethink and over think again the pain caused by another person until it eats away at our very soul. Why is emotional pain so much more memorable then physical pain? I ask the question but without a degree in psychology I can promise you my ideas and answers are probably full of flaws. All I can offer as insight is what I have learnt in living my life. 

Rejection is a physical pain.

 I heard that in a podcast somewhere. Apparently, the same part of your brain that feels physical pain also registers rejection. This is why the feeling of being left, being left out and being lonely is so painful. More then this, being rejected confirms the little thought in your head that you really aren't enough. This can cause people to completely fall apart, to develop strong feelings of bitterness and hatred towards other. Other people will develop a fear of rejection that can cause them to do things or not do things based on fear rather then healthy cautious behaviours. When I have the courage I will write a blog about my fears of rejection. I'm not that bold yet. 

We judge others on action and ourselves on intention. 

I love love love this phrase. Remember when you were young and you unintentionally hurt your sibling? Mum would make you apologise because you hurt them. 

"But mum, I didn't mean it", you would say

 "I don't care," your mum would reply, "they still got hurt because of you, you need to say sorry". 

Now, have you ever had the conversation with someone where you have said, "But I didn't mean it that way" 

"You should know my heart" 

"I don't need to apologise because I didn't mean it" 

Same thing Bucko! 

You didn't mean it but someone got hurt. 

Now flip that back and reverse it. How about, if someone through their actions hurts you. You need to look at their intent. Did they set out to hurt you? I can promise you that most of the time there was no intent. Honestly that person's main crime is that they were probably thinking about themselves or something else at the time. If you measure all the times you have unintentionally hurt someone up against the hurt you have received. You would probably find you are pretty even stevens. 

Now please bare in mind I'm not talking about abuse, manipulation or cruelty. I'm talking about when you know deep down that there was no intent to harm. It's time to judge people on intent. 

People are flawed. 

Tragically so. In fact the whole Christian belief system is based on this fact. We are all sinners. If we are all sinners then why do we expect so much more from some parties and nothing from others? Just because someone is given a position of power does not mean they know how to care for people or not hurt people. Do we really expect others to be perfect and are okay with our own imperfections? 

Getting help is not only okay, it is encouraged. 

It's not always easy to deal with the monsters inside. Sometimes pain can run so deep that it can distort how we live. Like people who have pain in their legs will walk with a limp, some people with pain inside will walk with a spiritual limp. You may not know that others can see it, but it is quite obvious in how you live your life. If you have an open wound then you will yelp and and recoil anytime somebody pokes at it. In the same way, if you have issues from past pain that haven't been dealt with, you will blame anyone who comes near that issue for hurting you again. If someone pokes a healthy and healed body, the worst it would do would tickle. If people can't poke you then you have an open or infected wound. 

Forgiveness is the only healthy option. 

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. 

Ephesians 4:31-32 NIV

Realising that people are flawed, knowing that we should judge people on intention, understanding that we see things through our own viewpoint and past hurts, it should be really easy to forgive right? Well sometimes no. Sometimes it's really really hard. 

We know it's hard because when someone mentions their name we roll our eyes. When they talk to someone we know we don't want to walk over there and we get upset when anything good happens to that person. 

The trouble is that we are the one hurting not them. We are hurting ourselves. 

Remembering how much we have been forgiven for the crazy stupid things we have done is a great way to put it into perspective. 

At the end of the day here is my point. You were not created to walk with a spiritual limp. You were created to be healthy and fully functioning inside and out. Isn't it time you made the move to be emotionally healthy? 

Negative talk, how to stop being your own bully

I have this lady who works with me. Every time she makes a mistake she yells at herself, "Oh, you are such an idiot, you are so stupid". It comes out of nowhere this exclamation of self loathing. This aggressive self talk. It shocks me to the core. She is far from stupid or incapable yet she talks to herself with such intense hatred. 

I think the thing that shocks me the most is the fact that I do this in my mind too. "Oh Shannon, you are so annoying." "Shannon, nobody cares about that" "Don't post blogs, it clutters people's feeds" 

"You look really gross today, look at those bags under your eyes" 

"Your bum is way to big for those pants" 

I could go on and on. 

Note:This is one of these posts where I talk about something private and vulnerable in the hope that people can connect and recognise their own negative thoughts and mind patterns. This is for people who appear confident but are locked inside of their mind with fear, self doubt and insecurity. This is not really about me but about you. 

 

I have a friend who can't plan anything exciting without thinking of the worst case scenarios every time. She is trapped inside her own neurosis of fear and dread for the future. Yet if you met her you would think she is the boldest person you know. She has skills coming out of every pore of her being. Her fear keeps her grounded when she has the strength and ability to fly higher then most people. 

I have another friend who lives her life feeling misunderstood. She she feels like her personality is annoying, she feels like she comes across as bossy or controlling yet she only wants to convey the love and passion she feels for what she does. She feels like she has the defend and explain everything she does. She doesn't participate in some things because it is easier to not be involved then to be misunderstood. 

I have a friend who feels like she is always the ugliest one in her group of friends. As a beautiful single girl she has made herself unapproachable to guys because she can't believe for a second that they would want talk to her. She ignores them before they ignore her. Her fear of rejection ensures she rejects first. She has missed out on so many life experiences because she can't see who she truly is. 

These three girls are the only thing  standing in their way of becoming all that God called them to become. From having ALL that God called them to have. Their mind is holding them back from the magnificent ways their lives could be. 

I was reminded by what my housemate spoke to me about yesterday. The scripture she is living on at the moment is this scripture. 

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”

‭‭Philippians‬ ‭4:8‬ ‭NIV‬‬

The opposite of doing this looks like the following 

"Finally, bothers and sisters, whatever is a lie, whatever is low, whatever is wrong, what ever is contaminated, whatever is ugly, whatever is disgusting- if anything is poor quality or gossip worthy - think about such things."

My gosh, how confronting when you think of it in this way? How terrible to have our mind filled with such disgusting things? We would not wish this on anyone. How could anyone have anything positive be made from such thoughts? 

How do we focus on what is good? 

1. Capture your thoughts. 

"We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." 2 Corinthians 10:5 

Thoughts are not supposed to live free range in your head. They are not supported by RSPCA.

When you are at work or studying you control your mind to keep focused on the task at hand. If you allowed your thoughts to run free you probably wouldn't have a job for long. You certainly wouldn't be able to pass an exam. Don't believe the lie that because you think it, it is true. 

To make your thoughts obedient to Christ means, in my opinion, to think about yourself and others the way Christ would think about them. 

What would Christ say about you? Probably not "what a stupid loser, I bet everybody is noticing your giant pimple today" 

2. Don't listen to the accuser. 

The devil is referred to in scripture as the accuser, the slanderer, the father of lies, the murderer, the deceiver, the adversary among other things. 

“Then I heard a loud voice in heaven say: “Now have come the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God, and the authority of his Messiah. For the accuser of our brothers and sisters, who accuses them before our God day and night, has been hurled down. They triumphed over him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony;"

‭‭Revelation‬ ‭12:10-11‬ ‭NIV‬

How do you know if your thoughts are yours or being deposited by the accuser? For me I think about my thought patterns. Is this something that I think about often or is it a sudden and ferocious thought? Can I control it or does it continue to hound me? When I feel like it's a spiritual attack I get help. I ask someone to pray with me. I ask for "the blood of the lamb" this is fancy words for asking Jesus to intervene. 

I also overcome it by the "word of my testimony" this basically means I declare out loud what God has done for me, I declare that he has not let me down yet and that he will continue to look after me. I 

Remind myself of all the good things that God has done. 

3. Surround yourself with people who are kind to you

There are times when you need your people to remind you what is real and what is not. Some friends will tell you only kind things, others will tell you only your bad qualities. Keep the first one, ditch the second (I mean, really are they actually a friend) and find a third kind. 

The best kind of friend is the sort that knows when to be kind and when to be honest, how to be honestly kind (genuine) and kindly honest (real). 

Hold on to people who build you up. I used to have a friend who was great fun and certainly liked me well enough to spend time with me. She, however, was so brutally honest with her version of the truth about me that it started to become a very negative influence in my life. I would drive home after hanging with her and cry. While the hangs were fun, the underlying comments were not. For years I didn't realise the root cause of feeling so low after hanging with her. Great friends make you feel better about yourself when you leave them. They find your gold and celebrate it. 

I have another friend that I called the other day. I was talking to her about something I was deciding that wasn't sitting right with me in the gut. "Is it because I'm sensing that this is wrong for me?" I asked. 

She listened, she asked more questions and then she gave me her opinion on the matter. 

"Shannon," she said, "this is your fear talking. The decision isn't wrong but your fear is telling you it is. You need to be brave and heart racing, feeling sick to the stomach, do it anyway" 

She was kindly honest. She pointed out what I needed without hurting me or pulling me down. I left the conversation wanting to put my boxing gloves on and fight.

 

The other day at church I was given a vision of a girl sitting huddled in the corner of a prison cell. In rags she sat, huddled and clothed in fear and hatred. Then God showed me that the door to her cell was open. If she could only stand up and walk towards the door she could have her freedom. 

"But God," I whispered. "How does she stand up, how do we stand up? I can see the open door, how do I walk through it?" 

"You are free" he whispered. "Get up and walk out the door. The only thing stopping you is you."

Shannon 

Xxx

What I would say to my 13 year old self

When I was thirteen I was given a class project to write a biography based on my life as a thirty year old. I wrote the first 13 years as a biography and the rest as I wished and hoped it would be. 

My school mates wrote about getting married and having kids but I took it further than that. I wrote about being a successful actress, looking like a blonde Drew Barrymore and being married to Dean Cain. I had 2 perfect children and at 30 years old I had it all together and was look back at my very long life with fond memories. 

Me at 30 years old. 

The reality is that at 33 years old I feel like I had barely scratched the surface of living. I only have just begun to see who I really am and make decisions based on what I know to be a true reflection of me. 

I'm not an actress, I don't look like Drew Barrymore did in the nineties, and unfortunately I am not married to Clark Kent (Dean, if you are reading this, I'm still keen for that date). But gosh damn it, my life is absolutely brilliant and perfectly messy. 

My hot husband.

Inspired by my dear friend Jacque (who sometimes substitutes as my mum when mums not in town) I thought I would write to my 13 year old self and offer some sage advice.   

Dear Shannon, 

I know you worry a lot about your future and so I wanted to fill you in on some things that might help you have peace. Firstly, don't worry so much. You have had a pretty incredible life and it's only going to get better. You did it! You graduated highschool and got a great job. You are successful and happy and as busy as you ever dreamed of. Life isn't easy, but it's not supposed to be, and I won't tell you any specifics about your life because I've learnt that life is about the unknown. Trust me you don't want to know. 

1. You are going to do so much more then you can even dream of. You will travel the world to places you've not even heard of. You will study subjects you don't even know exist. You will see musicals and concerts and have amazing nights out with incredible people. You will plan for amazing nights and they will sometimes be duds. Other times, spontaneous plans will deliver lasting memories. Be spontaneous. Be adventurous. My advice is "always do the thing" don't be too scared to jump off cliffs or swim in rough seas or ride the scariest roller coasters. Risks are meant to be taken. This is what gets the heart pumping and makes you feel alive. Be the bold one.

2. Choose your friends carefully. The friends you have now are not very nice people. Remember though, they are only 13 too. Forgive them when they hurt you which they will soon. You will reconnect as adults and the bitterness is a lot harder to deal with then rather than now. The day you spend your lunch time crying in the toilets is a memorable one but guess what, this is the first and last time it will happen like this. 

Friends letting you down is the first real heartbreak you will have in your life but I promise you will be okay. Don't let what they say affect your self worth. You are not who they say you are. 

Choose friends who are good for you, care about you and build you up. Don't be drawn to friendships that are one sided. It's in your nature to give everything you have to your friends. Make sure they are not just takers but also generous in their love, time affection and speach. 

You future friends are everything you need and are so amazing. Not all friendships last a lifetime and that's okay. Friendships will change and grow as you change and grow. You will find yourself loved with the friends you have who know and understand you. Cherish your true friends and be a good friend. The next time you cry in a toilet stall you will be thirty. It will be about a stupid boy and guess what, you will have an amazing friend there to listen, comfort, pray for you and remind you who you are. 

3. Apply yourself to your school work. You need to develop some self discipline when it comes to homework because guess what, you will still have it as an adult. Don't allow yourself to get by in school by being charming and no trouble to the teachers. They teachers may pass you on subjects based on your personality but that will only get you so far. You will be kicking yourself when you get to uni and realise you can't sit still with a book for more than 5 minutes. 

4. Always turn to God. This is the year when you discover a real relationship with God. You will start to have visions and hear the plans God has for you. Be secure in this, you are a child of God and that's a great quality. People won't get it and won't understand and that's fine. Just live a real and authentic life in your Christian walk. This is the very core of who you are and is more evident in you then you even understand. This will shape so many decisions you make. You will put your values first and find that this gives you a life with hardly any regret. When I said in point one about "Do the thing". This second rule over turns the first rule "Do what you know is right, not what you think is popular" 

5. Work is worship. It was only last week that this was a revelation to me. I would love to have known this at 13. Even before the fall of Eden God gave Adam and Eve the job to tend the garden and name the animals (you try to name all the animals in the world, if that's not a full time job then I don't know what is). You see work as a punishment. As part of the fallen world we live in. And yeah there are elements of working hard for little or no reward, for back breaking work. But know this, working hard in what you are gifted in... That is pure worship. This is saying "God, I give you back in work what you have given to me in skill" this will change the way you look at work. Shame it takes another 20 years to figure this out. 

6. Be yourself. You will always feel a bit odd and different than everyone else. Fitting in doesn't work for you. You are too honest, care too much about people's feelings and a bit too awkward to be one of the cool kids. This will end up being your best qualitys, your ability to be your own person will not always win you favour with everyone but it will cause you to stand strong through tough times and set you on a good path for life. So sing those Spice Girls songs, wear your knock off surfie backpack with both straps tight, straighten your patterned plastic framed glasses and go about your life being the fabulous you. 

No, I'm not giving you any more hints about life in 2016 except that these three words will be very important in your future: 

- Instagram
- John Mayer
- Selfies

lots of love, You
xxx

7 steps to be okay when everyone else is hooking up and having babies.

Expecting, Excited,  Engaged or Egg Salad

What to do when your friends wig out on you and start coupling up or having babies?

My friend tagged me in a photo on Instagram recently. It made me laugh because I could completely relate. The feeling of being the only single person left in the room/country/world.

As I've gotten older more of my friends are celebrating amazing milestones and 98% of the time I am so outrageously happy for them. It's just the 2% of the time where I think to myself, "I wonder if I will get that too?" 

Sometimes, to be honest, it's a sucker punch to the stomach to hear someone is newly engaged or pregnant. Sometimes it's an overwhelming thought, all the supposed steps ahead that person is, while it feels like you are still in the same place you have always been. It's especially hard when you feel like the people in question haven't been through the hard yards that you have. How do you celebrate your friends joy when it highlights your lack? Here's some thoughts that help me get through these times: 

1. Emotions are supposed to be felt- When I work with young children we are often dealing with the concept of emotions. I teach children that there is nothing wrong with emotions. In fact emotions help you self regulate and find the source of unresolved issues and thought patterns about life. What is damaging is when you don't express your emotions in a way that solves issues. 

Allow yourself to feel this way- it's actually okay to give into the emotion and feel the feels. It's okay to take a breath, take a moment and allow that emotion (even the unreasonable ones) to take up room in your head. Go to bed early if you must, do what you need to do to take a beat. 

The thing is you shouldn't camp in this emotion. You need to move through it not live in it. Bitter doesn't go with your complexion, darling. Contentment however, just makes your eyes pop.

2. Talk it out- Sometimes you will be fine after a breath but sometimes you need to smash it. Find a trusted friend to do this with. This is why it is important to maintain friendships with people in similar situations to you. my single girl tribe are incredible. when someone else voices what you have been thinking all along it is such a relief. It makes you realise how completely normal you are, you are not alone and you are not a freak.  

Sometimes, however, you just need to hash it out with God. I've learnt through the years that God is much bigger than our moments of doubt or fear or anger. He can take it. Having faith doesn't mean having zero doubt in the future. It means trusting God through the doubt. I find that it takes far more faith to have a fight with God then to ignore him and stop talking to him all together. In the Psalms David and other writers would yell and cry out to God and ask him where he was in this situation. It's okay to be real with God. 

3. Celebrate- celebrate them! Be in that moment and imagine their joy, taking it on as your own. 

I can't even count the amount of baby and bridal showers I have been invited to. It can all get a bit tiresome and the novelty wears off (if you are reading this and you've had a bridal shower or baby shower that I've been invited to, then I obviously don't mean yours, I'm talking about someone else that you don't even know. Your's was lovely). 
How many "guess the flavour chocolate in the nappy" games you can play (the answer is none, this game should never be played, because, gross!) 
I have to remind myself that this moment is not about me. This is a celebration of a life-changing moment and is worth being celebrated. If this person thinks I  am important enough in their lives to invite, then i should make the most of it, buy the gift and celebrate the milestone.

Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Romans 12:14 

4. It's not about deserving it's about timing- Timing is everything. 

It can hurt like a mofo when a barely old enough to drive girl marries a gorgeous older man and takes him out of your marriage market (she only just arrived)! What about when someone falls pregnant quite by accident and you've been trying for over a year? Or what about when someone who is completely living off the rails marries a straight up great guy and gets her life together in a matter of minutes? What about when you see your partner's ex married and pregnant before you're even mentioning the M word? 

There is so many times where people get things before you do even though you have put in the time and the hard work. It's like the slacker at work getting a promotion while you feel looked over. It's so unfair! 

And if this were a world where people got what they deserved, then you would have a point. But it's not and you don't. 

Life is about timing not deserving. There are ebs and flows, seasons and weather. I don't make the rules but there they are. 

There is a right time for everything:
a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

He has made everything beautiful in its time.

Ecclesiasticus 3:11

I know for a fact that I would have been a far different wife or mother at 20 then I would be at 33. I have developed patience, cleaning habits, money smarts and value systems now that would cause me to make better choices now. I don't mean that someone who marries or has children young don't learn or can't be as good at what they do, all I mean it that, should I have my time again, I would still not choose that for me. I know that the timing for me in my life, so far, is perfect. I also feel that the person I will marry was not ready for a young relationship either, therefore as older adults this works for us. 

Being a person who plays by the rules may mean you don't get there "ahead" of others but I have to believe that there is a special blessing for those who do it the right way around. Integrity is so incredibly beautiful and such a gift to bring into a marriage or a family. 

5. Don't steal their season or their thunder. 

When my friend Rachel found out that her best friend Monica was engaged she realised how much she had expected to have this moment before Monica. (After all, Monica had been fat in high school.) So, instead of celebrating the engagement, Rachel made out with Monica's brother, whom she used to date, making the whole night about her. She totally stole Monica's thunder! Monica and Chandler were not happy, Ross didn't mind! (Okay so maybe not my actual friends but definitely my F.R.I.E.N.D.S) 

The point is, this is not about you! This is not your moment to shine. This is not the moment to talk about what you would do differently at your wedding or what you would name your baby or how you would parent or have a breakdown in the middle of the room and talk about your broken love life right while the groom is about to give his speech. You will have your time in the sun, this is not it.  You are not losing because they are winning. 

6. Look for the positives- I've talked many times before about the positives of being single, or not having children at the moment or not having the bf propose. There are positives, you know it, I know it, we all know it. I'm not going to bore you with then. But sometimes, when it gets tough and you aren't where you thought you would be, perhaps listing them off will help. 

So I am going to bore you with them (a womans prerogative is after all to change her mind). Sleep-ins, own finances, impromptu trips, not having to tell anyone where you are going or when you will be back, your own TV vegging times, flirting with the guy behind the bar, flirting with the girl who brings you coffee, spending your grocery money on a trip to make up heaven Mecca (or in you guys case, a trip to rebel sports for golf bats or something.... I think we have established that I genuinely don't know what guys like or what sports is) and living off 2 minute noodles and your brothers Netflix account. 

7. Have faith- Sometimes all I have is faith. Faith that God has a purpose for this season. Perhaps my season is to write and encourage others, perhaps it is to discover more about who I am. Maybe there are lessons to learn. Maybe I just need to be more bold in my daily life. I don't know. But I have faith that God has the plan, that his plan is good and that he grants the desires of our hearts to those who love him. 

Be glad for all God is planning for you. Be patient in trouble, and prayerful always. Romans 12:12

I've loved the shared stories people have been sending my privately and through public means. feel free to share with me how you cope with others seasons. 

Xxx
Shannon