Should I post so many selfies? Or The Perfection Perception: The problem with comparison in social media.

Should I post so many selfies? 

Or The Perfection Perception: The problem with comparison in social media. 

There is a backlash happening at the moment against the social media "perfection perception" epidemic. The idea is that we, as normal people with faults and acne and unfortunate body hairs, growing in weird places, look at people on social media with their perfectly manufactured lives and start to feel like their life is better than ours. This comparison then leads to depression, low self esteem and anxiety that we are not good enough. So therefore, we, as a participant in the social media world should watch how much of our image is personified as perfect. 

Confession: I just posted this on Instagram declaring I was just about to sit down and write this blog. Really what I i was hoping you would do is see how fabulous my new office is and see that I just purchased a new chair. My post was already written.

I can see the point but I don't really think that this is anything new. This lie that the "grass is greener on the other side" wasn't created by social media. Before anyone and everyone could edit with FaceTune to get the perfect selfie and take 20 photos in the right light, people were comparing themselves to others. 

Before social media we had glossy magazines, before glossy magazines, we would compare ourselves to the people in the movies, before the movies we had portraits painted of our best sides and before that we compared our cave drawings. 

"No Ug, you will have to carve my image into a rock again. The lighting is terrible in here, you can't see how big my rock throwing arm is and Blug's husband made her thighs twice as big. My thighs don't even look like they are touching each other in your drawing" -Glug (cave woman) circa 10,000BC

My point is this, it is our very nature to compare, to want what the Joneses have and keep up with the Kardashians. Does this mean that we should just go with it? No! We also have it in our nature to want what everyone else has and to snatch and grab I certainly wouldn't encourage stealing. In fact Theodore Roosevelt said "Comparison is the thief of joy". So stop stealing your own joy you idiot! (Sorry that was mean, but you are being an idiot so not totally undeserved) 

So what should we do about it?
One solution that I have noticed lately is a movement (when I say movement I mean that there is a hashtag) called #radicalhonesty. It features beautiful fashion bloggers from around the world confessing their faults. Like this one lady doesn't want to be called a fashionister, she wants to be called a fashion designer. Another, well one time, when someone took her photo her shoe fell off, total Cinderella embarrassment mode. Another admits reluctantly that she sometimes get so distracted by her phone, she doesn't hear her friend speak. Oh the humanity! I'm so glad that there are brave, real women who share these deep seeded agonising secrets. Thanks for being radically honest. I feel better as a human now.* 

But let's get real. If we want this movement to work then we need actual, real life honesty. Like I want to hear about a fashion blogger who look their fashion week laxatives a few hours too late and accidentally pooped a little during a runway show. I want to hear about the model with the cluster of warts that cover most of her back and I want to hear about the fashion designer who steals all his designs from clothing patterns sold in spotlight. Now that's radical honesty. 

Perhaps, I don't want to think these people in my social media cloud of "perfection perception" are just like me? I want to hear that they are worse off than me. That even though they have money and looks and hot husbands, they have more crap going on then me. My basic human instinct isn't to bring people down to my level, it's to step on people so that I rise above them in some way. This is the filthy, evil side of comparison. 

This is the very premise that glossy gossip mags count on. The covers of these glorified kitty tray liners are not ones saying "Oh look Kiera Knightly also sometimes gets grumpy and has to go to bed early". NO! They are saying "Brad and Angelina, their marriage is worse than yours, Ange is anorexic and well, their kids don't even talk to them. See your life ain't so bad!"

The war on the selfie

So my question is this: should we un-photoshop our selfies so that we are more with the people? Should we stop taking selfies all together in case someone gets the impression that we are vain or like the way we look? Should we apologise for posting photos of the house we just cleaned or the new car we just brought? Should we only post the ugly and unsuccessful so that people feel better about their lives? 

In my humble opinion. BIG FAT NO! If you love a photo of yourself, if it shows off your dimples you got from your mamma, your muscles you've been working hard to get and your new hair cut, then I say post away! Capture the good light The Good Lord graced you with today, capture that emotion you felt as you got ready for a special occasion and capture the pride you felt when you finally fit into your skinny jeans. And remember you will never be this young again. Document it while you can! Facebook is your time capsule. Let your light shine! 

Confession: We searched high and low for good lighting and when we struck gold we went to town and took over 20 images (well over). I am posting these because my eyes sparkle and my makeup looks great. Also, red lipstick makes your teeth look white yes there is a lot of filter action happening here. 

It is always worth asking, however, why are you posting the photo? The bible says:

"Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ." Galatians 1: 10

What is your motivation of posting the photo? Are you celebrating a moment or are you wanting validation from people? 

What should we do to combat comparison then? 

Be honest (but actually honest) 

I think we should be honest with how good our life is and how tricky our life is also. Post those amazing photos but also tell the embarrassing stories. Talk about the time you fell off the wharf whilst crabbing, or the time you fell on your hands and knees in front of oncoming traffic and your crush (These both happened to me). Admit your fear of needles and rejection (also me). Consider sharing about your hard days. Be real. Not radical, just real.  

But also, please no TMI. 

One of the aims of my blog is to have an honest account of my life. From time to time I will be vulnerable and share from the heart. But you know what, at the end of the day, some things are private. I'm not going to tell you everything about myself because, well, would I post it on a billboard for 1000 people to drive by and see? No. There are things that need to be kept between friends or even to myself. And I just refuse to post about my bowel movements (old fashioned I know). So is being honest really the only answer? 

Perhaps it is less about what you post as a person but how you feel about what others post? After all, only you can control your emotions. 

Know Who YOU are

You need to stop comparing yourself. You are glorious in all your ways. Beautifully and wonderfully made by a creative creator who love you. Your value is NEVER shaped by other people's lives. Your value does not diminish when someone of equal value walks by. Your value is MORE precious than rubies. Nobody is less or more then you. You are not a 5 on a bad day, 7 on a good day. You are always a 10 to God. 

And hold up!  This is for guys too! You are also precious, amazing, wonderful and all things God delights in. You were made to be strong and victorious and an overcomer. Yes I know the word precious is a bit girly and usually used to describe kitty's and princesses but damn it man! You are precious, in the most manly way possible. You are also a 10. (Sidenote: can you please throw out that rating system thing that some guys do of girls. Because you know that makes you a big fat 0 right? I mean seriously, respect yourself)

"For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." Ephesians 2:10

"I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well." Psalm 139:14

Confession: I have never been arrested for being a hipster. 

Stop the damage! 

Stop tearing others down to make yourself feel better. You want to feel better about yourselves? You want others to as well? Then stop the gossip, stop buying the gossip rags. Stop clicking on the click bait on social media that tears people down. Stop making the passive aggressive comments on people's pages where it looks like you've said something nice but there is a mean spirit behind it. We can all read between the lines of these comments. Ruining somebody else's worth does not make you feel better at all. It will feel good in the moment but will leave a bitter taste in your mouth. You want to stop the thief of comparison, then cut him off at the source, filthy jealousy. 

Problem solved (sort of)

So what's my point? What's the answer? 

Stop comparing yourself! Stop hoping that other people will fail so you can win. Just because someone is beautiful it doesn't devalue your beauty. Be proud of who you are! Post your accomplishments and selfies. Be honest but don't overshare. Realise that everyone has things great and things not so great things going on. Perfection doesn't exist.

I will leave you with this. 

"If you’ve gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care— then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Don’t push your way to the front; don’t sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don’t be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand."  Philippians 2:3 (msg)

Another version says:

 "Don’t be selfish; don’t live to make a good impression on others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourself." Philippians 2:3 (TLB)

Forget yourself. Comparison is, at the end of the day, about dwelling on what you can get out of life. Think instead about what you can give. 

Love Shannon 

Xxxx

*I think there are much better things to start movements with (by movement I mean hashtag). If I were to start a movement I would ban any hate talk against cats #catsarepeopletoo and stop the use of the word LOL #LOLisvom.