I know, I know, everyone has been asking and quite frankly, I'm sick of my email inbox being full of the same inane question... "How do you do it?".
So in the interest of keeping my fans happy, I've written down a few little things that I've learnt to be the most kickass single going around:
1. Be content in your own company.
Being single is about being a party of one.. emphasis on the word party. You are enough of a party on your own. You don't need anyone to fulfill you. Alone, however doesn't have to be lonely. Alone can mean peace, quiet and a sureness of company. It's really important to enjoy your own company. You, after all, are going to be around for the rest of your life, you might as well like yourself.
2. Travel alone.
I traveled overseas for the first time this year. I made an impulsive decision to book a flight. I didn't have to check that it matched anyone else's schedule. I booked and went. I saw everything I wanted to see, I did everything I wanted to do.I spent a lot of time at airports thinking about where I was in life and who I wanted to be. It was a peaceful way to travel and be very present in the moment.
It also tested my courage and resolve. You never know how brave you are until you have to face finding food when you can't understand the menu or catching an uber when you realise they are illegal in that country or eating a meal called "rats tail noodles" in a market, as actual rats ran past you stealing food off idol shrines.
3. Test your limits, make opportunities happen.
I've decided that I have a new food philosophy: I will try anything once as long as it is ethically and hygienically okay in my mind. This saw me sitting on a stool outside a durian stand eating something that tasted like rotten mangos, raw onion soup covered in melted plastic cheese. It wasn't the greatest taste experience but I didn't die, in fact I felt empowered! I tried something new and I was brave and it resulted in laughs and something crossed off the list.I like to think of every experience in life being a giant to-do list. When I try something new I can cross it off and never do it again or highlight it and add it to my "to do again and again" list. When I think about all the different experiences in the world that I have yet to do, all the new food that could become my favourite, well it's just damn exciting! stop letting fear of the unknown get in the way of life.
4. Celebrate yourself.
I have a dear friend who's husband had a stroke after 20 years of marriage. His stroke caused major parts of his personality, including his ability to consider others or have empathy. After 2 years of recovery, my friend has realised that he will probably never think to celebrate her birthday or buy her a gift again. A sad thing to lose. but it doesn't mean she is of any less value because someone else won't think to make it special.I spoke to her about what I have done when I felt that there was no special loved one to buy me a gift. I bought one for myself. For my 21st, I bought myself a nose piercing. This year I took myself to KL. I sometimes throw my own parties and demand that my friends celebrate me. Why? Because I'm worth celebrating and sometimes it's my job to remind people of this! I refuse to place my worth in what people buy for me. Having said that, when friends have bought me things or surprise celebrated me it has literally blown my mind. I am a gifts person after all!
5. Flirt.
Eek. This is something I'm not great at. In fact I'm quite terrible at it. I was raised in the "I kissed dating goodbye" by Joshua Harris era of church youth groups. As a result I've alway found it hard to be normal with guys and even more difficult to actually show my genuine interest in a special guy. But you know what, flirting with unattached people is not only not wrong, it's totally right. This is the one time in your life where you can bat your eyelashes and swish your hair because one day you won't (or shouldn't) be able to anymore. Have fun being single. Work those eyelashes baby.6. Turn up.
You know what I hate? Attending events alone. I get ready, I arrive alone, I search for someone, anyone I know and I try to mingle in to the crowd. It's hard. I don't speak to new people easily and I'm on tenterhooks until my anchor person arrives. An anchor person is someone that I can talk with and know that the conversation will be good. From that safe place I can bounce around the party, when things get awkward or I run out of things to say, I can go back to my anchor. What couples don't realise is that their anchor person travels with them to the party. They arrive together and leave together. It's a little harder for us singles.But since when did difficult situations stop us from living? I've mentioned it before but I will say it again. Turning up sometimes means putting our own agenda on the line to celebrate or honour someone else.
As a single person I rarely have to think about anybody else but myself. I'm often lead by my emotions rather than my obligations. If I don't want to do something, I don't. But this shouldn't lead the way I interact with those I love. Being a kickass single shouldn't mean being a selfish single... Not all the time anyway.
7. Have a secret single behaviour.
An old colleague of mine used to talk about Secret Single Behaviours she would do at home when her partner was on FIFO. I can't remember exactly what they were but I think they involved pyjamas and movie marathons.SSB is the things you do in secret. Things that would be considered terribly wasteful, disgusting or plain weird. Being single, living alone or having plenty of alone time is a blessing. Doing anything you want whilst wearing underwear, fluffy socks and a shower cap on your head (coconut oil and avocado hair mask) is the icing on the cake. So eat out of the containers, overdose on episodes of Escape to the Country, crank the 90's music and put on a concert for your dirty dishes.
I've not nailed most of these but I am trying. and that's what it's about right?
I think at the end of the day, being a kickass single is about being a brave and content person right now. After all, if you can't be brave and content now, will you ever really be?
But before you go, be truly brave, tell me your Secret Single Behaviour!
